( dreams )

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i'm waiting for my GA to upload so..meanwhile, let me vent out my anger for awhile.
NO NAMES WILL BE MENTIONED BUT BE WARNED, IT MAY REFER TO ANYONE.

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First,
i have a lot of things to do now.
when i say a lot, i mean A LOT.
what with all the packing and packing and helping my mum with the kitchen stuff and other school stuff.
well, i've got one older sister and one older brother and one younger brother. apparently, being a middle child sucks. my friend one said that being the middle child is the nest. well, you know what?
she's wrong. So wrong.
being the middle child is the worst.
i mean, the oldest child tends to be independent so he/she tends to live his/her life on her own. They know what they want to do in their lives.
the second child apparently has the most brains. by this, i mean, intelligent and full of common sense.
The last child tends to be the most pampered.
the middle child?
gets ignored by the parents or in fact, the whole family.
when i achieved something great, do they even care?
but when i did something wrong, like let's say, being MIA in my room, then they starts calling my name.
?
i mean, when i'm there, i'm not doing anything so i just left the room. when i leave the room, you called me back. when i returned, there's still nothing there for me to do. then why the heck did you need me for?

second,
i admit i love to do stuff.
i love keeping myself busy. cos it tends to be boring when you're left there doing nothing.
even when i'm not busy, i like to act busy.
so, when you ask me to do something, i greatfully accepted.
i'm the person who doesn't like to say no to people.
so the least you can do is to appreciate and HELP me along.
it's difficult, of course. you are told to do this one little stuff but in the end, you get to do the whole thing. i'm a noob at this type of things. i need help. i'm not that clever. tell me something that i can follow. i am better at following than i am at leading.
okay, i said it.
after all this years, if there's any chance of me getting to be a leader, i would always give it up cos i know i would just messed things up. i used to be a good leader. i tried reaching for the best but i failed and i was sad. i hid that feeling and i tried. but everytime i was the leader, something would just go wrong. and i start to believe that i'm not meant to be a leader. i'm better off being a follower. so those people who tried putting me in a leadership role would just get themselves dissapointed. i won't give up but i will just.you know..

third,
don't go around acting like you're some cool guy. cos you're not.
you are so disgusting i wished i can just slapped you in the face if i ever see your face again.
i made a mistake. i knew i shouldn't have done that. i mean, it never happened before and i was not expecting it to come out from a **** guy like you.

fourth,
you make me sick. can' t believe i actually fell for you. seriously man, you just make me sick.

fifth,
i do not believe in fate. i do not believe in love. i believe that people have a choice. no matter what, people will still have a choice. except life and death..that can't be chosen. personally, i don't like making choices. but i truly believe that peopla have a choice and that any bad things that came upon you are just conequences from your own choice. love? i believe that guys have an attraction towards girls and girls have an attraction towards guys. i believe that people from the same gender can have an attraction towards each other. i don't mind it. i think it's wrong, no offence, but i don't mind it. i don't know why i'm writing this stuf here but it's been on my mind for quite a long time. and i just realised i've got a really strong belief on these stuff. i mean, it's not against my religion. right? i hope not.

sixth,
don't hurt my feelings by saying that. yes, i don't like you but it still doesn't give you a right to hurt my feelings. even when you're just joking around. that one word can spoil my entire night.
i'm sensitive. remember and accept it.

seventh,
idlya. inel,ib. ijsiuaatthmrmsbitotbhtlig.yajsc.ihbisittbic.

it's a long post i know. i didn't ask you to read. so if you find this post crap, then why the heck are you even here?

sheesh.
people.
i'm so sick of them.
but yet, i know that i can't live without them.
sheesh.
life.

toodles.