I need your restu.

As much as I want to rant about it on twitter, I really don't want to spam my followers' timeline with my problems.

My competition is Sunday.

I am fighting this Sunday, I think that is confirmed.

I reached home at 1am today.

Which means Abah was waiting for me for a long time.

And Ummi was pissed.

I am sorry. Really.

I mean, how many times have I ever come home this late? NEVER.

I was expecting her to scold me.

But her words just now was just harsh. And lack of love and support.

All I want is for her to say "Good Luck"

even if she doesn't mean it.

She knows how hard I've worked to get this far.

I've defied her interests and went to all my trainings.

I tried my best in all trainings, even when I was sick.

I practised till I kept getting comments that my face has turned pale.

I lost weight, for God's sake, withing a week.

And yet,

she still cannot understand the definition of "Commitment"

She scolded me for always going trainings, for not saying no to that.

She compared me to my older brother, who doesn't seem to commit to any CCA in his time.

She threatened to complain to Kak Shirin.

She grounded me from going out after the competition.

1) This is the first time I've ever reached home this late.

2) Today was the first time I saw my friends in like, one month plus.

3) All this time I wasted money to enter Spore, it wasn't for fun. Yes, it was fun, but it was for my commitment for what I'm interested in right now.

4) Clearly, you don't have any interests that would make you want to commit like this.

5) Brother IS committed to climbing. That's why most of the time he wasn't at home.

6) You can't complain to Kak Shirin. She's not the President anymore, and she does not care about this kind of thing, and it would just be embarassing to complain to her about this.

7) I really don't want to say this but if you were my friend, I would have cursed at you. But you're my mother. I respect you. I know where I stand.

It's just that sometimes, you just don't understand.

Yeah, it bloody well hurts.

But it's a challenge that I like to take on.

I really need your blessings for this competition.

I can't do it without your prayers. And I can't do it if you don't believe in me.

I believe in myself.

I believe that the team believes in me.

I believe my friends believe in me.

But, I don't believe that you believe in me.

And I just want that.