Music.

Yes, my room is messy/dirty/unkempt.

There is a reason why I don't bother cleaning it up.

Because, one day after I clean it up, it'll be back to the same messy room again.

I don't know how to keep my things organised like you want me to.

Yes, nowadays, I keep plugging my ears and blasting songs on it.

There is a reason why I listen to music.

So it can drown out all my worries and thoughts.

It IS my way to escape reality for a while and just dream of the good things I will never be able to achieve in life.

I listened to music to help me sleep because I'm scared.

Terrified.

Of the dark. Of the utter silence at 2 o'clock in the morning when I'm still awake.

Of the loneliness. Of the competition.

You don't know how I feel.

Because I refuse to show you what I'm feeling inside.

I put up such a strong and monotonous front so that people won't be able to know how scared I am in life.

So ya, music is important.

Yes, it's a distraction. It'll make me forget the world.

In which case it'll become a sin.

I know that. I know what's halal and what's haraam in life.

But you know, sometimes, life is just too unbearable for you to handle.

And all you wanna do is lie down, and blast some songs in your head, in hopes that you'll forget about your problems and worries, even if it's just for a few minutes.

You think I've slept well everyday?

Well clearly I'm not, seeing how I keep yawning and yawning in the middle of the day.

I wake up late, because I don't sleep well.

And so that's where the music will come in.

Don't judge me.

And before you jump to conclusions. this is not me emo-ing.

I'm just writing what's in my mind while my mom was scolding me just now.

I don't argue with my Mom.

That's just wrong.

I just like to keep silent.

And then write my arguments down on my blog.