It's just a mask.

I'm not coping well with my studies.

I fall asleep in lectures. I haven't decided on a learning system.

I don't do tutorials properly, half-completed.

I'm not pushing myself hard enough.

Silat-wise..hmm.

Sometimes I do get that feeling.

I just try to cover it up as much as possible.

No one had noticed it yet right?

Yeah, probably best if you don't know what I was thinking anyways.

My stamina is weak. I see the freshies coming in and doing everything without complain.

And I'm here panting my way through.

Kinda pathetic.

I tend to get high a lot these days.

I guess that's when I know, if I continue to bore myself and think of all the negative things, I'll just break down there and then.

It's just a mask.

I want people to know that it's a mask, but I don't want them to try to get it off.

I like my mask.

Even though half the time I'm just lying to myself.

Insecurities suck much huh.

Today was a good day actually.

A lot of good things happened, most of it was just the boys I got to see.

But if that's how I defined a good day, then I know I'm just trying to ignore what I'm really feeling deep inside.

And I'm not ready to tell people what that feeling is.

So until then, goodnight.