Affected.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I like today.

Cooped up in my room the whole day, with just my notes and my phone.

Away from people.

I think I needed that. I love my friends, and classmates but being around them now may not be so good for me. My already-low confidence is starting to shake again.

After so long, after battling through all those difficult mind games everyday, after keeping a smile up everyday even though it hurts, after being so positive about everything on twitter.

It just came crashing just like that. With just a simple email like that.

Last week, we got a D for our draft, but I didn't really mind that, even though seeing the letter is quite depressing. But after seeing the C for my first wisp assignment, it affected me for days. Even now.

I know, it's just wisp. Nothing important. Just a 2.0credit module. I think what bothers me is that I really like the module, and I do have my own thoughts for the topic. I did put in effort to it, I just didn't know what the requirements were. And I didn't know how to present it. And to see my name having the lowest score there, being the only C there while the others all have a B and above. That stung me so bad. I do get jealous easily about grades. I am competitive when it comes to grades. I don't show it, but I hate losing.

It still there in the back of my mind. And apart from that, I'm having some other issues with myself as well. I try not to show it to my friends but really, I just want to cry. I want to be alone, but at the same time, I don't want to be alone.

God help me.

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